In a spooky twist, Subway plays the “undead” card just to get the conversation started. It’s time to check out This Week In Subway Facebook Comments. Stat, Lestat.

“Now hear this”? I’m not the cleverest guy in the world, but surely the Subway social media team (AKA “Go Team Edward!”) could come up with a better opening than that. When your potential audience reach is 27,000,000 per post (on a good day), you should try to put a little more effort into it. Regardless, there was an immediate and overwhelming response to this weirdly constructed post. And some of the comments took my breath away (see? Even that’s a better opening).

Vampires, am I right? When they’re not writing in their vampire diaries, they’re posting comments on Facebook. 

Nitpickers don’t really belong in the Subway crowd. The “Eat Fresh” slogan alone requires a suspension of disbelief.

Great, Zackary. Now I have a visual of Dracula saving the other half of his footlong meatball sub on garlic bread for later.

My wife says, “True that, Robbie!”

…does not affect vampires from Gilroy, CA.

Back among the living, Steven Bradley has opened my eyes to a real problem: The hidden cost of the $5 footlongs. According to Steve-o’s math, Subway’s footlongs used to only cost $.50 (40 footlongs/month versus 1 footlong/week).

I’ll be the first to admit: Subway’s customer service and social team have been killing it lately. Even if they’re simply copy-and-pasting long-ass essays in response to BS “azo-bread”/Michelle Obama hysteria. Hey, at least they’re consistent. You just can’t please some people, though. See poor Claire’s comment, she’s clearly feeling conflicted.

I bust a nut every time I visit Subway, too. But you don’t see me complaining, Claire.