Pepperidge Farms remembers… how to really push my buttons. Just look at that ooey-gooey cream filling oozing provocatively in this photo. It looks like the squishiest, yummiest cookie ever made, doesn’t it? I turn the bag over to glance at the nutritional information, but the bag’s not gonna tell me anything I don’t already know. Who am I kidding? I don’t care whether a serving is 6 cookies or 1 cookie, I’ll eat as many as it takes.
Pepperidge Farm’s Milano Melts page describes the cookie as a delectable, sweet surprise: Try one and “you’ll melt, too”. This is booty call snacking. Now I’m starting to feel kinda cheap. I don’t want to be taken advantage of by a cookie… you know how vulnerable I feel when I hungry.
I rip open the bag and inhale the rich tiramisu-like aroma. Pepperidge Farms is trying to get it on with me. This is the cookie equivalent of a roofie. I turn the bag over and notice the Milano Melt’s creepy tagline: “Face it. Your resistance is slipping away.” My worst fear has been confirmed. I’ve been taken advantage of by a boston cream-filled cookie.