KIDS MENU FASCISM AT COCO’S – Anaheim, California

Cocos, all the pies

Cocos, all the pies

To pie or not to pie. When at Coco’s in Anaheim, the choice is simple: to pie. The pies are to die… for. Just peruse these mouthwatering choices: banana cream, coconut cream, Pumpkin Harvest or the Caramel Apple Harvest (both with a generous cap of chiffon), or even the decadent Dutch Apple Cranberry Cheese Pie (like a cheesecake for pie lovers). Coco’s Bakery/Restaurant has got it going on in the pie realm.

In the customer service realm? Not so much. Management at the Anaheim Coco’s located ever-so-conveniently across the street from one “Disneyland” (I’m sure you’ve heard of it). Their top-notch kids menu is strictly restricted to 10 and younger… 10 AND YOUNGER! Basically, fresh out of the womb. The management is unbending/inflexible on this. Even the most believable sob story (i.e. “Benjamin Button disease”) won’t soften their stance. You will be met with a “We’ve heard it all before, sir” look (like the hostess without the most-est in the photo below).

Cocos Kids Menu

Long haired freaky people need not apply…

Now, I don’t expect EVERYONE to be a Disney person. All signs point to a majority of Disney-heads having their heads in the clouds—there’s too much uncertainty in the world to be standing around in a line for 45 minutes (at best) while the guy ahead of you slobbers on a turkey leg. But I do expect everyone to be a “bargain person.” Or, if someone can’t admit to be cheap like moi, maybe just a “light eater.” Regardless, it would be nice if sometimes a trip to Disneyland had the promise of an inexpensive meal for adults with kid-sized appetites.

Cocos: My go-to pie

Cocos: My go-to pie

Coco’s kid’s menu essentially offers everything that an adult needs for six hours of sustenance for half the price: french toast (880 calories, that’s more like a teenager’s meal), “Kids Rule! [I’ll say…] Burger Combo,” Stacked Grilled Cheese, three-cheese quesadilla, the list goes on… and all under $6.19. In case you’re thinking, “Yeah, but that’s a small portion”: I beg to differ, and defer to the calorie count—an average of 700, not including the baby carrots, house dressing, AND one side.

These kids are spoiled, and “To the victor go the spoils,” so in my book these little brats are winning. I can’t let kids beat me at my own frugal game. I implore everyone reading this to protest on Coco’s Facebook page. Open up the kid’s menu to ALL AGES! We want equality NOW, because Disney is killing me with their pretzel prices (a Mickey pretzel with cheese is $5.75, but somehow it’s worth it).

Is this fascism? Well, I’ve come to understand—just in the past year, mind you—that fascism is when a group is discriminated against and all of the power is given to a smaller group (literally). In this type of government, the rules don’t make sense and the lawmakers won’t listen to reason. Only the elite few can enjoy their elitist pancakes with their tyrannical table syrup. I don’t like where this is going, people. It’s time for a change. #EQUALMENU

Cocos Kids Menu

These are the faces of elitist Kids Menunaires. These smiles could be our smiles, and those dinosaur eyes could be our dinosaur eyes. Join the movement!


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